In Australia, the average costs to employers in resolving a formal claim of bullying is between AUD$17,000 and AUD$24,000 per claim – mainly due to costs associated with staff turnover and investigations and responding to bullying allegations. As well as these costs, the workplace costs also include the decline in motivation and productivity for a wide range of other staff, negative effects on workplace culture as well as the damage done to the company’s reputation.

Workplace Bullying is prevalent across this country too and employers are just bleeding out money in legal fees, court cases, claim settlements and lost productivity – estimated to be costing this country many millions of dollars – more than other workplace hazards that seem to get more attention.  In April 2010, a joint University report was released that involved Auckland, Waikato, Massey and London researchers polling over 1700 workers from the health, education, hospitality and travel sectors. This report found that 1 in 5 workers suffer from workplace bullying, one of the worst rates in the world.

C’mon New Zealand, we need to wake up and accept that there is a raft of evidence supporting the level of workplace bullying in this country.

Although we don’t yet have specific bullying legislation, employers can face legal action, especially under the Health & Safety in Employment Act  – when you consider stress to be an identifiable hazard.  Employers can also face legal action under the Human Rights Act, Harassment Act or Employment Relations Act.

According to an analysis by the EMA, 67% of all workplace bullying claims investigated by the Employment Relations Authority, in 2012, found in favour of the employee.  These are just the ones that are in front of the ERA – there are so many more that are settled with the employee before it gets to the ERA.

For some years now, I have delivered workplace bullying training to those organisations who are proactive, want to ensure that they have systems and procedures in place to stop bullying in its tracks and to help employees know exactly what bullying is, and what it isn’t.  But these are just a handful of organisations.  Most organisations turn a blind eye, they say things like “it doesn’t happen in our organisation” and they are afraid that by drawing attention to the issue, they will ‘open a can of worms’.

So what is now happening in Australia, is that workplaces are scrambling for some awareness, scrambling for information to distribute to their workers and scrambling to avoid claims being made, because now they face serious fines.

We can become a much more proactive nation – we can choose to be proactive employers, consider training programmes, information and awareness, and hopefully in time, this will reduce the incidence of what really is unlawful workplace bullying and the significant related costs.

There are obligations on both the employer and the employee – under the HSE Amendment Act, employers “ought reasonably to have known” that there was a workplace bullying issue, in order to effectively respond.  The employer is obliged therefore, to provide a safe environment in order for an employee to make a complaint in the first instance.  All too often the ‘turning a blind eye’, ‘you’re over reacting’ responses are secondary bullying and create a culture of intimidation and mistrust.

The post Are you ready for the challenge? appeared first on Linda Guirey.

Most of us do this. Perhaps you blame your genetics for the fact that you struggle with your weight or perhaps you blame your mother or father for how you were brought up.

We feel more comfortable blaming other people or situations, because then we don’t feel the responsibility for changing what we think, do, say or believe. “It’s not my fault!” However every single day we CHOOSE what we say, think, do and believe and instead of being intentional with every choice we make, we ‘default’ to what’s easiest and most of the time, ‘default’ is negative.

A few months ago I realised how my thinking and perspective had allowed me to blame someone else for problems in my life. For most of my life, I blamed my over-bearing, dominant, controlling, self-opinionated, dictatorial father for so many things. I blamed him for not being ‘approachable’, for never giving me a hug, for never ‘listening’ to me because my opinion wasn’t good enough, for judging everything I did and for never saying he was proud of me. I blamed him for being a strict and scary father who we were frightened of. I blamed him for making me feel this way.

Then one day, recently, I watched Tony Robbins during a ‘Strategic Intervention’ session. There was this woman who blamed her father for her problems in her life, for so many things, so much hurt, so much pain. I related to that. But as Tony listened, he asked relevant questions and then he turned it all on its head. He said “So you blame your father for all those things. You blame him for that hurt and pain you feel. You also then must blame your father for the good things as well. You can’t just blame him for the bad. You have to blame him for showing you how to raise your kids differently – you didn’t want to raise your kids like your father raised you, so you made a conscious effort to be there for them, loving, available, to your kids – everyday. You blame him for that.”

Then the penny dropped. It was what you could call an epiphany – and I broke down and cried. I realised I also had to ‘blame’ my father for being my first ‘coach’ in public speaking when I was 17, because he had always been confident on stage and in front of an audience. I had to blame him for giving me that same ability! I had to blame him for showing me how I wanted to raise my kids – my three loving adult kids who will ALWAYS hug me, no matter where we are. I had to blame my father for showing me that I wanted to always be approachable, understanding, non-judgemental to my kids – and that’s exactly how I raised them. If my father had been different, perhaps I wouldn’t have been the mother that I was and am today. I had to blame my father for making me accepting, open, warm and grateful!

My father passed away last October, after struggling with Alzheimers for many years. I cried because I understood. I cried because I no longer blamed him – I accepted him, I loved him and I missed him! I am who I am BECAUSE of who my father was, because of the choices I made, the intentional choices I made, to be a better person. I had not been grateful for what my father had shown me, nor the gift he gave me in being able to speak to large audiences. Now, in some respects, it was TOO LATE. My father was no longer around, to tell him how grateful I was, to just accept him and know deep down that I was, who I was, and successful in what I do, because of him. And that hurt.

Don’t wait until it’s too late, to think differently about who and what you blame. Don’t wait until it’s too late, to show gratitude to those who have helped you become who you are today.

Don’t let the sun go down on missed opportunities to show gratitude.Turn blame into gratitude and you will see life so very differently. I did.

Watch my video talking about this subject:

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“Optimism” – a simple word and yet oh, so powerful. Optimism can increase productivity, enhance employee morale, reduce conflict and have a positive impact on the bottom line.

Optimism is vital when leading organizations. Leaders who set themselves apart are optimists. They have a good understanding and high level of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and they are able to convince others about possibilities and opportunities, which transforms how people around them see the world – “how you frame it, gives it perspective”.

If you want positive results – you have to start with a positive outlook.

Along with optimism comes innovation and creativity. To be innovative, you need to be open to new ideas, possibilities, willing to take risks and able to encourage others to take risks. If you tend to have more of a pessimistic outlook, you tend to respond to new ideas and possibilities with “it will never work”, “we tried it before”.

Optimism affects the bottom line, for example –

• A study showed that new sales personnel at Metropolitan Life who scored high on a test on optimism sold 37 percent more life insurance in their first two years than pessimists (Seligman, 1990).
• Technical programmers demonstrating the top 10 percent of emotional intelligence competency were developing software three times faster than those with lower competency.
• A Dallas-based corporation indicated that productivity was 20 times greater among workers with higher emotional intelligence scores as compared with those scoring low in emotional intelligence
• A large hospital reduced turnover of critical-care nurses from 65 to 15 percent within 18 months of instituting an emotional intelligence screening assessment  (Poskey 2005)

Perhaps more significant are the countless studies that have shown that people with an optimistic outlook have healthier relationships, enjoy better mental and physical health and live longer.

So, are we born optimists or pessimists or can it be learned? Some of it comes naturally – according to leading psychologist Sonya Lyubormirsky, genetics accounts for about 50% of the variation in happiness across populations, 10% is affected by gender, ethnicity and the environment you are born into and the good news is the remaining 40% of how you view the world can be changed by differences in thought patterns and behaviors. By changing the way you see the world, you can become more productive, happy and healthier in life.

What helps increase your level of optimism is understanding perspective. Looking at problems and setbacks and putting things into perspective. Identify what you can change and proactivity find ways to do something about it. If you have no control over something, there is no point in worrying about it. Benjamin Franklin said, “While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.”

It is also important to look for the possibilities and opportunities that present themselves in every adverse situation. We will be remembered not for the problems we faced, but for the decisions we made. The ‘silver lining’ does exist, if you look for it.

Encourage others to succeed, to be creative and to dream. We are often afraid to talk about our dreams, for fear of what others might say. We need to dream, we need to be innovative and not be afraid of new ideas. With creativity and innovation comes spontaneity – embrace it. Sometimes getting out of your comfort zone and being spontaneous can help develop an increased level of optimism.

Of course it is important to sometimes think negative thoughts, especially when there is a risk of serious negative consequences. It is not helpful for a pilot whose engines are failing to think “no worries, we’ll be fine”. It’s also not helpful for the same pilot to think “aargh, we are all going to crash” without exploring possibilities first.

Winston Churchill said: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

How do you see the world?

The post Optimism – The Key to Effective Leadership appeared first on Linda Guirey.

When an obstacle or unexpected event jumps up and ‘slaps you in the face’, do you see it as a problem, a hassle? Does your life stop in its tracks? Of course! Most people will answer ‘yes’ because we are creatures who can think, plan and reason. But do we keep our eyes open for any opportunities that this obstacle or unexpected event might pose? Sorry, most of us don’t. We are too focused on the negative implications of the obstacle or event to remotely consider that anything positive might come of it – and that is where we need to change the way we think.

Opportunities present themselves regularly and although we are often faced with ‘mountains’ that loom up unexpectedly, we need to keep things in perspective and see possibilities in front of us.

How we frame the way we view our lives, gives it perspective. How we frame our problems, or tragic events, will give it perspective.

So I want you to do a small exercise – think about a current problem in your life – a reasonably large one. You are either worrying about it, trying to find a solution or decision or you have just been stopped in your tracks.

Now…

In order to put that problem in perspective, lets get ourselves into perspective. Think of the problem and when you are ready, click on the link here and see how your problem relates to the world around us.

Sure, your problem still exists, and it is affecting your life – but for a moment, just a moment, when you viewed the link, your problem appeared insignificant. Amazing wasn’t it!

Ok, that was a little light relief, but now it’s about getting the perspective right in your world. Only you can do that, by changing the way you think.

Did you know that we have on average 50,000 thoughts a day – and 80% of those a negative. With viewing the world slightly differently, viewing our problems slightly differently, we can reduce the number of negative thoughts a day and become, believe it or not, better performers. Research clearly shows that positive people have more fulfilled and happier lives and perform better in whatever they choose.

And guess what – if you just said “I can’t change the way I am” or you said “Oh, this is baloney” – that is a negative thought!!

Control those marbles!

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Sir Ken Robinson, who has to be one of my favourite speakers, gives his views on education and creativity, and when you hear him, you can’t help but agree with him – especially if you have children, because what he talks about – you see in your own children.

Have you seen how creative children are, compared to adults? But as they get older, they start to lose some of that creativity and divergent thinking. I agree with the idea that creativity is actually educated out of us as we get older, because the current education system model is designed to create ‘sameness’. I have always been a creative person, I am strongly a ‘red marble’ person – creative, innovative, full of ideas and easily distracted. I wanted to be an artist, from a very young age – but my father didn’t believe you could make a career out of it and never encouraged me.

As I once again pick up my paints, and sit at my easel, I realise how much harder it is for me to be as creative and innovative as I once was. I still have remnants of my creative self lurking somewhere in my brain and that is why I like being an ideas person – I love brainstorming ideas, mind mapping and exploring possibilities – but just like the red marble that I am – I also get easily distracted, and that is often not helpful.

A Painting I did in 2009

We are all creative and innovative. Whether it is fixing something, creating a recipe, finding a short cut or being an artist – we are creative and innovative beings.

So I urge all leaders, of teams, businesses, communities – to encourage your people to dream, look at possibilities, don’t be afraid of what other people will say, put the ideas on the table and see where it will take you. Imagine what we could achieve, if we all learned to once again be the creative creatures we were when we were little – anything was possible then – and it still could be.

The post Creativity – Strengthen, don’t Stifle appeared first on Linda Guirey.

“Are you losing your marbles?”

This is something I ask businesses all the time – and the response I get is:-

“what do you mean by marbles?”.

It’s really easy – marbles are your people – the people you work with and who work for you every day.  They are also your customers, and your friends and family.

Marbles come in different sizes, different colours – but they are all marbles.  Each one is unique, inexpensive, durable and quite beautiful.  Each individual marble plays the game in a slightly different fashion, has a different approach and delivers what you need, but in its own way.  Now, if you understand your marbles and how each one works, and you understand how they will work better together – then collectively you can win the game.

“If only it were that simple” – is the response.  But it is!  It is not hard to find out what makes your people ‘tick’, what they enjoy, why they come to work. The key word is ‘understand’ your marbles, your people.  It just requires a little profiling or communication style testing on your staff to find out their personality and communication preferences. I use the TetraMap® tool – and then relate it to marbles – blue, green, red and yellow.

The first time I experienced TetraMap®, I was amazed and intrigued how such a simple assessment made all the difference.  Really quickly, I could identify communication problems that I had witnessed between staff,  in some of the places I had managed – and this seemed to be the basis of ongoing workplace conflict.

I realised though,  the importance of having all 4 communication styles in your team – if you want a winning team. Each individual has a combination of all 4 communication styles – but you have particular preferences  and strengths which determine what color marble you are. Then you will understand more about your team and how to work better together.

I guarantee that if you implement this within your workplace, morale will increase, productivity will increase, absenteeism will decrease.  If it is going to save you thousands of dollars per year, why wouldn’t you do it?

So, how many people do you know of, that have left a workplace because of conflict, poor communication, or because they didn’t feel valued?

In recent international research, the main reasons staff leave their workplace are:

• Availability of higher paying jobs
• Organisational Performance
• Organisational culture – reward system, strength of leadership,  level of work stress, conflict, low employee morale
• Unrealistic expectations
• Demographics
• The Person – family situation, unsolicited job offer

If you look at that list above, the easiest ones we can change or have influence over are – ‘Organisational culture’ and ‘Unrealistic Expectations’. We can start by valuing and understanding our people – and the rest will follow.

It’s almost always a surprise when employees hand in their notice.  They keep their plans secret because of the lack of trust for their manager and/or management team. They feel that their work will be made difficult or miserable if their manager knows. How many times have your staff felt like they will be labelled a traitor and made to feel guilty for leaving.

It is for good reason that the number one cause of employee dissatisfaction is their relationship with their manager(s).  Managers need to be skilled at creating an atmosphere of trust and respect – which helps employees to open up more.  Try asking questions like “what do you like most about your job” or “what makes you get up in the morning and come to work”.  The secret to employee retention is not being a ‘nice’ or ‘liked’ manager or good role model – it is more about deep and meaningful communication and trust.  It is so very important to understand your employee’s concerns and their dreams or hopes, to help solve or achieve them.

Low employee morale is also a leading cause of staff turnover – often caused by conflict, poor workplace culture, lack of open and honest processes.  Managers should always remember –  ‘treat your staff as you would like to be treated’, then we will see a difference.  Know what colour marbles work for you!!!

When we don’t understand how others communicate and how they like to be communicated to – we lose staff.  We lose our marbles! When we do understand our staff and their communication styles, the results can be amazing.

Linda Guirey “The Marbles Expert”

www.lindaguirey.co.nz

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There has been a lot of discussion recently in the news, about school bullying and what we should do about it.

In an ideal world, we could say that we need to all stand up to bullies, tell them to back off, hit them back or whatever it takes to make it go away.  However, we are talking about people – we are all different and some targets of bullies are targets because of the fact that they won’t confront.  They are viewed as easy prey and vulnerable.  What’s more, there is very little evidence that shows that standing up to bullying behaviour makes the ‘bully’ go away.  In some cases it can actually put the target of bullying more at risk.

Our major problem in New Zealand is that we rely on the administration, the teachers and staff to respond appropriately without putting the targets in any more danger.  What happened in Wanganui in March of last year, was a perfect example of when this clearly doesn’t work.  In this case a target of bullying reports a threat.  The target and bully are talked to individually – but then what.  Did the Principal really think it was going to go away?  Of course not – the bully is now ticked off that they have been reprimanded, so they are even more fired up – and they lashed out in extreme violence – causing severe injury to the target.

When I deliver workshops to corporates and organisations on bullying type behaviours, I call the workshop “Egos in the Workplace”, because I think we need to look at the behaviour rather than the label.  One of the key points I emphasise, is that when a situation of bullying is alleged, a thorough investigation should occur immediately – talking to other people, finding out whether the allegations of bullying are founded and then taking action.  There should be immediate and very serious consequences for any retaliatory behaviour – expressed clearly to the alleged aggressor and in the case of schools – also expressed to the bully’s parents.  Where was the support for this girl, the target of bullying?  Why was she now alone to deal with the retaliation?

If we are serious about cracking down on bullying, then we need to be serious about the cost that will be associated with the crack down.  Staff need to be trained in responding to allegations of bullying – the responses need to be consistent, firm, immediate.  There is no room for “I am too busy”.  There should be select staff within schools trained in this area – they then become the only ones to respond to the issue – because these teachers / staff take a zero tolerance view, are firm, succinct and follow through.  The target should then have someone assigned to them for a period of time (maybe a more senior student) as support.  The bully should also be supervised – any further unacceptable behaviour is not tolerated.

Let’s be clear.  Bullying behaviour exists – at school, at work.  We turn a blind eye because it’s easier.  We turn a blind eye because we are too busy, or because we don’t like confronting this sort of behaviour either.  We just hope it will go away.  It is unreasonable and unwise to expect targets of bullying to just ‘stand up’ to the behaviour.

Workplaces and schools should be committed to a zero tolerance of bullying – and actually mean what they say.  No more playing lip service to a policy in the manual – we all have to live and breathe the commitment to zero tolerance of abusive behaviour.

If we don’t seriously address the issue of bullying in schools and workplaces – it will continue to cost the country millions of dollars every year in lost productivity, absenteeism, stress leave, medical and legal costs and staff turnover – not to mention the ongoing and sometimes permanent health effects to targets, or worse.

Take action now – choose to become an employer or school of choice.  Choose to create a supportive, zero tolerance environment.  Choose to help our young people and our colleagues make better choices themselves.

It’s a no-brainer!

Linda Guirey

The Choice Champion

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What is ‘Ego’?

Ego is reflected awareness or consciousness of your own identity.  If you grew up totally alone, with no one around you, you would never develop an ego.  An ego is a need, a social need and an ego is created and developed by those around you.

Many people use the term ‘ego’ to refer to the inflated feeling of pride in your superiority – but everyone has an ego.  Ego can be pride and self esteem, it can also be conceitedness or exaggerated self worth.

Whenever you suffer and feel miserable, watch and analyse what has occurred and somewhere the ego is the cause of it.  A person can have too much ego when they feel inadequate or angry being challenged or when they have had an idea rejected by a client or colleague.  Maybe they just are not getting their own way.  Of course, it is quite normal to feel disappointed when these situations occur, however if you are starting to feel angry and irritated all the time, you could have an over inflated ego.

The ego is often looking for trouble because if no one is paying attention to your ego, it feels hungry – it needs attention and feeds off attention.

An ego can be compared to a piece of software – allowing you to interact with the world.  An ego determines how you make decisions, how you maintain self esteem, how you take care of yourself and stand by your values.

Types of over-inflated egos in the workplace (dominant marbles):

Attention seeker

The problem starts to occur with the over-inflated ego that is hungry for more and more attention.  This over inflated ego can result in the person speaking louder and louder, not listening to others and expecting others to share their opinion. You cannot control what others think but these people won’t stop trying.

Storyteller

These are the people that have a story to tell, and insist on ensuring that every person hears their story – they seek people out to make sure everyone knows their story – these people are obsessed with their own self importance.

Credit taker

Often you see people taking credit for work that was accomplished by others or by a team.  Very rarely did work get done by one person, however this ‘Ego in the Workplace’ believes they are the top dog, worthy of all the praise and they seek this out.  But at what cost?  The ‘credit takers’ will bully others in the workplace to accomplish tasks so that they can take the credit.

Defensive attackers

Instead of believing that others may respect them, these people are always on the defensive and very unwilling to see other people’s perspectives. No matter how small or trivial some things are, it’s often the little things that annoy and irritate these people and they are not good at holding an opinion or viewpoint to themselves – they have to let others know that they don’t agree, or that they are annoyed.

Gate keepers

These people believe they can withhold information or resources from a targeted person, just to let them know who has the authority.  They select one or more targets and will exclude them from meetings, restrict access to information and resources.  This level of power and control feeds their ego.

Two – faced

These exaggerated egos in the workplace use the element of surprise.  They are unpredictable and can target individuals, so that they will appear charming in front others, and monsters when they get the target alone.  Or they can be nice one minute and fiendish the next.

All of these ‘egos in the workplace’ find it near impossible to admit when they are wrong, because their self-inflated ego doesn’t allow for them to even consider that they could be wrong.

Imagine combining any of these ‘egos in the workplace’, with a position of authority.  You have the abusive ego, and now that ego has power and control because of a position of authority.  What do you think happens to that ego?  The ego is hungry for control and power and starts to use it in a systematic, destructive way, targeting certain individuals to get the best response – which is an even more self-inflated ego.

Can ego therefore ever be good?  Of course it can because it is our conscious mind – however we need just enough ego to give us confidence to be noticed and to love ourselves.  We need enough ego to be able to stand up for what we believe is right.

Could you or others around you be at risk of having an over-inflated ego?  Check out some of these indicators to see if you or colleagues / managers are potentially those ‘over-inflated egos in the workplace’.

• They have to have their own way
• They believe they are always right
• They believe they are superior or above other people
• They always justify or defend everything
• They are over confident
• They are loud and want people to pay attention to them
• They feel the need to put others down to make themselves look good
• They constantly criticize others
• They withhold resources or knowledge from others
• They are like a Jekyll and Hyde – nice one minute, nasty the next or nice in front of others, but a two-headed snake when they get you on your own
• They take the credit for what others do

If you answered yes to any of the above – think about who that person is.  Are they in a position of authority and are they affecting others around them?  If you have a such an ‘ego in the workplace’ there is a likelihood that this person is costing the organisation a large amount of money if left unchecked.  Some of the hidden costs of having over-inflated egos in the workplace, combined with a position of power can be:-

Loss of productivity

Increased absenteeism

Increased staff turnover

Staff spending more time helping others, getting unsafely involved, gossiping

Formal complaints – investigation, time, legal costs

Loss of morale

Loss of the ‘valued marbles’ or the people that you don’t want to lose in your organisation

So it’s time to take a health check on yourself and your organisation to see if you pass with a healthy tick, or a slight illness that needs treatment, or an epidemic that could cost you thousands.

We need egos in the workplace – healthy egos in the workplace.  People who are confident, able to stand up for their values, and the organisation’s values.  We don’t need over-inflated egos in the workplace that will slowly and systematically cause a campaign of interpersonal destruction.

Let’s value the marbles (people) that are important to us both at work and outside of work.  Let’s stop losing our valued marbles.

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Mistakes are relative – a small printing error, maths calculation can be easily rectified.  A mistake in surgery or medicine however, could have dire consequences, as we have recently read about at North Shore Hospital.

Or take some other medical mishaps overseas which resulted in the wrong leg being removed, the wrong side of the brain being operated on, the wrong heart and lungs with the wrong blood type being transplanted into a patient.  These all have dire consequences, however most of our day to day mistakes, are not that life threatening.

A mistake is a mistake AFTER the event.  To learn effectively from a mistake, you need to have a growth mindset – a positive mindset rather than a blame mentality.

The blame mentality unfortunately is very common.  My husband will always blame his tools, his car, the computer or someone else. My response, in a very humorous way is to quietly whisper in his ear “operator error”.

There is one ‘mistake’ that my son won’t repeat.  He was sitting quietly watching the TV, ice-block in his hand, enjoying the TV and the ice-block simultaneously.  Our small dog was watching my son intently, hoping for a portion of the ice-block to fall off, or … if she waited long enough, for my son to look into those big brown eyes and decide to part with the last morsel of ice-block, because those big brown eyes just ‘got to him’.

So he decided on the latter.  He gave the last morsel of ice-block, still on the stick, to the dog.  The dog licked the stick clean, wagged its tail and trotted off to find someone else to prey on.

My son was fixated on the TV – it must have been Animal Planet – his favourite.  A few moments passed, and without any thought, he put the ‘licked clean’ ice-block stick in his mouth, forgetting that our little canine friend had just finished slobbering all over it.

There was a shriek and a yell when the penny dropped, followed by lots of laughter and lots of learning.  He says he will never do that again….. but how sure can he be?

But more  often we resort to blame instead of learning.  Imagine what we could all achieve, if we really learned from our mistakes and changed our behaviour – at work and at home.

Think of a time when you said or did something that you regretted. That could be called an error of judgement or a ‘mistake’ because you didn’t intend to offend or hurt someone.  But what have you learned – that saying ‘sorry’ makes up for it all?  Well it doesn’t.  Saying sorry helps, but saying sorry is the plaster on the wound.  The scar remains forever.

Remember there are 5 things that you cannot recover in life:

1. The stone after it’s thrown
2. The word, after it’s said
3. The occasion, after it’s missed
4. The time, after it’s gone
5. The person, after they’ve died

We make mistakes, but every mistake is the portal for discovery, the portal for improvement, the portal for learning.

Open your portal today!

The post Mistake Theory appeared first on Linda Guirey.

Why is it that for years, the fashion of the day was for boys to wear their trousers, jeans or shorts as far down their bodies as they could, even if that meant that the waist band, and I repeat waist band, hangs down below their buttocks, pulled tighter with a belt, but not too tight because it is important to constantly pull them up an inch or two, for no reason other than to annoy their parents, who think the trousers are being hitched up… and then not. This was also accompanied with the ‘must-be-able-to-be-seen’ boxer shorts.

What’s more, the crotch of the trousers would end up at knee level, so that our new young male homo sapiens started to resemble the walk of penguins rather than of man. I am so pleased to say that those days have almost gone, to be replaced with who knows what!

I admit there are always fads in fashion and often fashion goes in cycles with the old fashions that I knew growing up, coming back to haunt me – such as the large patterned sun dresses, platform soles, hot pants (or short shorts) or an entirely new hippie generation. Although you have to admit, nothing beats the real ‘hippie generation’ that I grew up in.

I would like to share with you some teentrivia adapted from a book I read called – “Always go to bed on an Argument” by Deborah Ross and it resonated so much with me and my experience of teenagers that I thought some of you might relate to this. It proves that teenagers can be horrible, unless of course they want something from you, in which case the angel in them comes to visit – just for a short time, until they get what they want.

1. Twelve out of every ten teenagers say they will put their plate in the dishwasher later.
2. The number of teenagers for whom later means never – twelve out of every ten teenagers!
3. The number of teenagers who think that being asked to perform a household chore is just totally interrupting their life – twelve out of ten teenagers!
4. The number of towels on the floor of the bathroom or the floor of their bedroom equals exactly the number they can get away with before being told to pick them up.
5. The number of teenagers who say they will pick their towels up later – twelve out of every ten teenagers!
6. The number of years that teenage boys use Lynx (Africa) before realising that their mothers were right to ‘gag’ all these years – four years (age 13 – 17 years)

Some of the most common teenage sayings -

• I would have called but I ran out of credit. (Hey Mum, can you top my phone up!)
• Whateva!
• I hate you … or You’re so mean
• I have turned the sound down
• Mummy, I love you – LOVE YOU … can you pick me up, drop me off, lend me some money.
• Later – I will do it later, I promise
• I got a detention because my teacher hates me

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids who are now 18, 20 and 22, and then I have step kids who are 20, 23 and 26 (give or take a year or two)- we created our own Balmy Army!

What is most important to me, is that although parents have to endure the dramas, the look, the sigh, the moping and the grunting – this phase will pass … come back … pass…. come back … and hopefully pass forever.

I have three of the most wonderful kids you could ever ask for – kind, sensitive and caring. They all can give their Mum the most wonderful hugs, often without reason and always with feeling – and that just makes a Mum proud. They are our future, our future politicians, our future environmentalists, our future explorers and scientists. Never give up on your kids, love them unconditionally, guide them, support them and hopefully…..

.…one day they will have kids of their own!!

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