There has been a lot of discussion recently in the news, about school bullying and what we should do about it.

In an ideal world, we could say that we need to all stand up to bullies, tell them to back off, hit them back or whatever it takes to make it go away.  However, we are talking about people – we are all different and some targets of bullies are targets because of the fact that they won’t confront.  They are viewed as easy prey and vulnerable.  What’s more, there is very little evidence that shows that standing up to bullying behaviour makes the ‘bully’ go away.  In some cases it can actually put the target of bullying more at risk.

Our major problem in New Zealand is that we rely on the administration, the teachers and staff to respond appropriately without putting the targets in any more danger.  What happened in Wanganui in March of last year, was a perfect example of when this clearly doesn’t work.  In this case a target of bullying reports a threat.  The target and bully are talked to individually – but then what.  Did the Principal really think it was going to go away?  Of course not – the bully is now ticked off that they have been reprimanded, so they are even more fired up – and they lashed out in extreme violence – causing severe injury to the target.

When I deliver workshops to corporates and organisations on bullying type behaviours, I call the workshop “Egos in the Workplace”, because I think we need to look at the behaviour rather than the label.  One of the key points I emphasise, is that when a situation of bullying is alleged, a thorough investigation should occur immediately – talking to other people, finding out whether the allegations of bullying are founded and then taking action.  There should be immediate and very serious consequences for any retaliatory behaviour – expressed clearly to the alleged aggressor and in the case of schools – also expressed to the bully’s parents.  Where was the support for this girl, the target of bullying?  Why was she now alone to deal with the retaliation?

If we are serious about cracking down on bullying, then we need to be serious about the cost that will be associated with the crack down.  Staff need to be trained in responding to allegations of bullying – the responses need to be consistent, firm, immediate.  There is no room for “I am too busy”.  There should be select staff within schools trained in this area – they then become the only ones to respond to the issue – because these teachers / staff take a zero tolerance view, are firm, succinct and follow through.  The target should then have someone assigned to them for a period of time (maybe a more senior student) as support.  The bully should also be supervised – any further unacceptable behaviour is not tolerated.

Let’s be clear.  Bullying behaviour exists – at school, at work.  We turn a blind eye because it’s easier.  We turn a blind eye because we are too busy, or because we don’t like confronting this sort of behaviour either.  We just hope it will go away.  It is unreasonable and unwise to expect targets of bullying to just ‘stand up’ to the behaviour.

Workplaces and schools should be committed to a zero tolerance of bullying – and actually mean what they say.  No more playing lip service to a policy in the manual – we all have to live and breathe the commitment to zero tolerance of abusive behaviour.

If we don’t seriously address the issue of bullying in schools and workplaces – it will continue to cost the country millions of dollars every year in lost productivity, absenteeism, stress leave, medical and legal costs and staff turnover – not to mention the ongoing and sometimes permanent health effects to targets, or worse.

Take action now – choose to become an employer or school of choice.  Choose to create a supportive, zero tolerance environment.  Choose to help our young people and our colleagues make better choices themselves.

It’s a no-brainer!

Linda Guirey

The Choice Champion

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What is ‘Ego’?

Ego is reflected awareness or consciousness of your own identity.  If you grew up totally alone, with no one around you, you would never develop an ego.  An ego is a need, a social need and an ego is created and developed by those around you.

Many people use the term ‘ego’ to refer to the inflated feeling of pride in your superiority – but everyone has an ego.  Ego can be pride and self esteem, it can also be conceitedness or exaggerated self worth.

Whenever you suffer and feel miserable, watch and analyse what has occurred and somewhere the ego is the cause of it.  A person can have too much ego when they feel inadequate or angry being challenged or when they have had an idea rejected by a client or colleague.  Maybe they just are not getting their own way.  Of course, it is quite normal to feel disappointed when these situations occur, however if you are starting to feel angry and irritated all the time, you could have an over inflated ego.

The ego is often looking for trouble because if no one is paying attention to your ego, it feels hungry – it needs attention and feeds off attention.

An ego can be compared to a piece of software – allowing you to interact with the world.  An ego determines how you make decisions, how you maintain self esteem, how you take care of yourself and stand by your values.

Types of over-inflated egos in the workplace (dominant marbles):

Attention seeker

The problem starts to occur with the over-inflated ego that is hungry for more and more attention.  This over inflated ego can result in the person speaking louder and louder, not listening to others and expecting others to share their opinion. You cannot control what others think but these people won’t stop trying.

Storyteller

These are the people that have a story to tell, and insist on ensuring that every person hears their story – they seek people out to make sure everyone knows their story – these people are obsessed with their own self importance.

Credit taker

Often you see people taking credit for work that was accomplished by others or by a team.  Very rarely did work get done by one person, however this ‘Ego in the Workplace’ believes they are the top dog, worthy of all the praise and they seek this out.  But at what cost?  The ‘credit takers’ will bully others in the workplace to accomplish tasks so that they can take the credit.

Defensive attackers

Instead of believing that others may respect them, these people are always on the defensive and very unwilling to see other people’s perspectives. No matter how small or trivial some things are, it’s often the little things that annoy and irritate these people and they are not good at holding an opinion or viewpoint to themselves – they have to let others know that they don’t agree, or that they are annoyed.

Gate keepers

These people believe they can withhold information or resources from a targeted person, just to let them know who has the authority.  They select one or more targets and will exclude them from meetings, restrict access to information and resources.  This level of power and control feeds their ego.

Two – faced

These exaggerated egos in the workplace use the element of surprise.  They are unpredictable and can target individuals, so that they will appear charming in front others, and monsters when they get the target alone.  Or they can be nice one minute and fiendish the next.

All of these ‘egos in the workplace’ find it near impossible to admit when they are wrong, because their self-inflated ego doesn’t allow for them to even consider that they could be wrong.

Imagine combining any of these ‘egos in the workplace’, with a position of authority.  You have the abusive ego, and now that ego has power and control because of a position of authority.  What do you think happens to that ego?  The ego is hungry for control and power and starts to use it in a systematic, destructive way, targeting certain individuals to get the best response – which is an even more self-inflated ego.

Can ego therefore ever be good?  Of course it can because it is our conscious mind – however we need just enough ego to give us confidence to be noticed and to love ourselves.  We need enough ego to be able to stand up for what we believe is right.

Could you or others around you be at risk of having an over-inflated ego?  Check out some of these indicators to see if you or colleagues / managers are potentially those ‘over-inflated egos in the workplace’.

• They have to have their own way
• They believe they are always right
• They believe they are superior or above other people
• They always justify or defend everything
• They are over confident
• They are loud and want people to pay attention to them
• They feel the need to put others down to make themselves look good
• They constantly criticize others
• They withhold resources or knowledge from others
• They are like a Jekyll and Hyde – nice one minute, nasty the next or nice in front of others, but a two-headed snake when they get you on your own
• They take the credit for what others do

If you answered yes to any of the above – think about who that person is.  Are they in a position of authority and are they affecting others around them?  If you have a such an ‘ego in the workplace’ there is a likelihood that this person is costing the organisation a large amount of money if left unchecked.  Some of the hidden costs of having over-inflated egos in the workplace, combined with a position of power can be:-

Loss of productivity

Increased absenteeism

Increased staff turnover

Staff spending more time helping others, getting unsafely involved, gossiping

Formal complaints – investigation, time, legal costs

Loss of morale

Loss of the ‘valued marbles’ or the people that you don’t want to lose in your organisation

So it’s time to take a health check on yourself and your organisation to see if you pass with a healthy tick, or a slight illness that needs treatment, or an epidemic that could cost you thousands.

We need egos in the workplace – healthy egos in the workplace.  People who are confident, able to stand up for their values, and the organisation’s values.  We don’t need over-inflated egos in the workplace that will slowly and systematically cause a campaign of interpersonal destruction.

Let’s value the marbles (people) that are important to us both at work and outside of work.  Let’s stop losing our valued marbles.

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Let’s explore the ‘Bully Dog’ in the office – this could mean either a type of dog, ie bull terrier, bulldog, bull mastiff to name a few, or it could mean the behaviour of the dog – bullying, dominant, abusive.

We are pack animals, just like dogs. Office bullies are basically dogs with behavioral problems that have been allowed to run amok. You need to be able to understand what this all means, so that you can survive in the doggy daycare of office politics.

Let’s take a look at some of the types of office bully dogs:-

1. The Alpha Dog
We all know what this means. The dominant one that when they growl, others back away. People know their place and submit. Who in your workplace could be an “Alpha Dog”. It may not be your manager, but it could be someone who has some power over you – such as knowledge power, or resources power who can limit your access to whatever it is you need, in order to do your job effectively.

2. The Territorial Attacker
Dogs are territorial and so are people. We are territorial about what we do, where we sit and yet we have co-workers telling us how to do our job, encroaching on our territory. Innocent co-workers may be just trying to help – the Bully Dog in your office is not.

3. The Barker
This is the Bully Dog who makes a lot of noise, often pointing the finger at you – meanwhile distracting everyone from the fact that they are either incompetent or ineffective.

4. Bone Stealer
This is the Bully Dog who wants to take what you have – credit for what you have done, the job or report you have spent so much time on, but they are going to take it and submit it. They will take whatever they can from you, in order for them to feel satisfied. It’s easier to take your bone, than find one of their own.

5. Rabid Dog
This is the crazy, foaming at the mouth Bully Dog who delivers unprovoked vicious attacks on their subordinates or co-workers, when you least expect it. It is the element of surprise and force of attack that will leave you gasping.

6. The Passive Aggressive Attacker
This Bully Dog waits and watches. They seek out the vulnerable and weak – those who cannot stand up to their attacks. They seek and destroy but they will also select the achievers because they are a threat.

So what can you do about these Bully Dog behaviors in your office. Firstly identify them.

• What are you dealing with and how entrenched is the behavior in the workplace?
• What are the chances of you intervening, identifying the Bully Dog and having the pack leaders support you.
• Is your pack a supportive one or one that will turn on you if you cause trouble.
• Will they encircle you to protect you or will they prefer to cast you out to fend for yourself.

There is no easy answer to the Bully Dog in your office. It all depends as I said, on the type of pack you have. A pack that doesn’t stand for this type of behavior and will support any pack member being attacked, has more chance of getting rid of the Bully Dog from its midst.

The pack that would rather cast the perceived trouble maker out, because they keep whining and whinging, will ignore the abusive Bully Dog behavior and leave you to fight it alone. And fight it you will have to because the pack will close ranks on you.

Become a leader. Be in control of your future and how you will allow yourself to be treated. Don’t be cast out – if the pack isn’t working for you – leave it, but make that your decision.

Our four-legged canine friends can also be our best friends. Loyal companions who will stick by you no matter what. However it only takes one Bully Dog to destroy and rule a pack.

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Well I have coined a definition that is easy to remember. It is the acronym UR CRAP!
U – Unwarranted
R – Repeated behaviour

C – Controlling
R – Repressive
A – Abuse of
P – Power

So, next time you are not sure what constitutes bullying – check out the acronym above and see if the behaviour fits.

What is one of the defining factors, is the ‘unwarranted’, which helps distinguish between performance management and bullying, however some individuals use the performance management process to actually use abusive behaviour – so beware.

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Whatever the behaviour is called, we need to address what continues to happen in our workplaces.  It is not new, it just has a name now.  I remember when I was in the workforce in the early 80’s – I was subjected to incredibly abusive behaviour from the CEO – but I thought it was just normal and we had to put up with it.

Times have changed – we expect a certain level of respect and yet bullying behaviour, intentional abuse, continues to go unchecked in many workplaces.

Do CEO’s understand the cost to their organisations to leave this unchecked – it runs in the millions of dollars  in NZ – and from my perspective it’s not hard to change this type of behaviour.

I would be interested in your comments as to what this type of abusive behaviour is best called.

Linda

The ‘Marbles Expert’

www.lindaguirey.co.nz

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